I got the greatest Christmas present from my Oncologist this month. I went to my first follow-up appointment after finishing chemo and Dr. S. checked everything and was really happy with the results. He told me that I was free and clear of cancer! He said that instead of coming every three months I could move to six months. He told me "Merry Christmas!" and gave me a big hug. I could not believe it. You have no idea what news like that feels like. I don't know if that means I am cured or just in complete remission but either way it feels good. With my type of breast cancer, the possibility of recurrence is most likely to happen in the first two years. The chances go down each year after that and after 5-6 year it is considered "cured." Yeah!! Breast cancer typically moves to bone cancer if it comes back so right now my doctor has me on Zometa infusions to strengthen my bones to help prevent bone cancer. I will be on this for 3 years.
I also had a great follow up with Dr. Isom. He said everything looked great. The surgeries went well and I have healed from all of them. Another Yeah! I am excited to get back to a normal life and hopefully start running again.
I can look back now and say "Phew I made it through." But don't get me wrong, it was not easy. There were days I would just cry and wish things would go back to normal. There were days that really, as weird as this sounds, I just wanted to clean the house but I couldn't. On top of all of this though, there were some really great days. You have to take the good with the bad and make it through one at a time.
I know that cancer will always be in the back on my mind. I also know that the things I have been through have changed me forever. They have changed me not only physically, but mentally as well. Sometimes for the better and sometimes not for the better. There are things I do now that I didn't do before. I am more anxious now; more paranoid. I am more OCD now, I am more controlling, and I am more up tight. I don't know what my problem in some days. One cancer survivor said that she also has control issues now that she has survived cancer. She thought that this had become even more of a problem since cancer decided to yank the rug out from under her feet. Cancer stole all sense of control I had over my life. Now that I feel like cancer is gone, I want to gain that control back. For this reason I seem to be going overboard. Maybe that is part of chemo brain, I don't know. I know this will be a struggle and another trial I will have to overcome. But I can do it with the help of my family and Heavenly Father. That is one thing I have learned through this whole thing. Together we can get through anything.
On a positive note though, my hair is growing back!!
It has come back pretty fast too. When I had my last surgery in November I was still bald and now almost two months later I have a funny looking buzz cut! It is about a quarter to a half inch long! I thought it would grow back kind of spiky but no it grew back like baby hair. It is so soft! I had heard that chemo hair grows back in a different color or curly. Well mine is pretty much the same color maybe a little lighter and so far it is pretty straight still. I have quit wearing hats and scarves because I am no longer a cancer patient!
Other than the weird control issues, I am feeling much better and my energy level is back up. I am hoping and praying that I continue to get better and things go back to normal. I am glad to be in the clear and so grateful for this second chance on life. I am making changes to not take things for granted anymore.
These are some of my favorite moments of this whole journey:
GI Jane was pretty awesome for Halloween. I had to rock the bald head somehow, right!? But the best part was when I got my certificate of completion from my last chemo treatment. I was finally done!
As I look back over this whole journey, I have come to realize again how incredibly blessed I have been. Once we put our trust in the Lord and realized that we were in His hands, everything seemed to fall into place. We were blessed with help from everyone. Yes I mean EVERYONE! We were blessed financially. I was blessed spiritually too because I came to realize the power of prayer and fasting and priesthood blessings. But most of all we were blessed as a family in that we became closer.
I absolutely love my family. They are everything to me. I don't know what I would do without them and they are what I lived for through this whole thing.
I love these kids! They are my life. Together we fought through this cancer and we helped each other to get through. We took what God gave us and we made it through together.
Sometimes our biggest trials are blessings in disguise. This is what this has been to me. So many blessings have come into my life. It has allowed me to be humbled in order to have experiences and opportunities to be taught by God. Heavenly Father doesn't strike us with a diseases, He loves us through our trials.
This has also been hard on Russell and he wanted to write a little something in this final chapter:
"I will put in my two cents in on this crazy and amazing year that our Mom had. This year was very different from what we had planned. But the Lord knows us better and he gave us a challenge as a family. Tiffany was diagnosed with cancer back in March and we had to revamp our family activities this year. We had big travel plans and new four wheeler plans and pay off debt plans, but I would say we had more fun as family this year than ever before. We did not need to travel to far places to have fun and four wheelers are not a priority. We took the truck up the canyon and explored all the roads up Left Hand Fork while we went camping during the summer. It was amazing to see how the Lord blessed us financially. We were able to pay our debts and still have money to pay other bills. It was a fun, crazy and emotional roller coaster year, but we all came closer together as a family. I learned the roll of motherhood is very hard and their jobs and title should always be respected. I have always respected motherhood, but I have a deeper respect now. The days Tiffany was down and not feeling good it was great to see all of the kids pitch together and help around the house. Emily became my little helper to me and more than anything her mom. All the kids learned the true meaning of giving service and being grateful for family time.
"As a husband and father it was very difficult to cope when I first found out that Tiffany had cancer. At first I felt kicked in the gut and thought how can this happen to my beautiful wife she is perfect in every way. When she called me on the phone at work to tell me she got the results . She came over to work and we sat outside and cried and thought about the "now what" questions. I was mad, sad and spiritually shaken a bit. There was a lot of what if questions going through my head. I finally came to terms with myself when we both prayed for strength and guidance that she will be okay and we need to come together as a family and strengthen each other. I love this lady and I let the Lord know this and I asked him to keep her with us. I have been raised to know if I put the Lord first he will do his part, so that is what I did. I did my very best in trying to help where I was needed in my calling and finding ways to help others and once again my testimony strengthen because it worked. My beautiful wife is doing great. I love the Lord and my beautiful eternal companion. She strengthen me in so many ways. I cannot complain about anything because she has been through more then I could have ever been through.
"I have seen a big change in how our kids act and how they are more grateful for things and are willing to help. They learned how to do chores and work together. We have had fun doing different activities together. That has been a blessing."
I'm back. Have I ever told you that I love Russell so much! He has been my rock and my support this whole time. He is my best friend and eternal companion. I could not have done it without him. I love you Russell!!
I also love my parents so much. They basically lived with us this last year as they came and helped with the kids while Russell was at work. I also could not have done it with out them.
I know this is something I will have to deal with the rest of my life but with my family and by taking it one day at a time, together we can make it through anything. Goodbye Cancer and don't come back!
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