It has been two months since my last big Cancer Journey post. In the last two months nothing much has changed. My incisions are still healing after surgery two months ago. Because of this we have had to postpone chemotherapy 3 times. To tell you the truth, I have been okay with this. I would like to start so that I could get it over with and be done but at the same time, I am a little scared and okay with putting off the inevitable. I know that once I start Chemo, I will be knocked on my butt so I have been enjoying this time. I am calling this portion of the journey the "Calm Before the Storm." I have been feeling really good. I have no pain or anything. There are times that I find myself not thinking about cancer at all. Then I remember that cancer is a part of my life and I start feeling antsy to get this over with. This time has been good but at the same time I find myself in a constant stage of "nesting." There are so many things I want to get done before I start chemo and totally get wiped out. I am always feeling overwhelmed with tasks that need to be done. At the same time though I feel like I need to be spending more time with my kids than doing meaningless tasks. That is also one thing that cancer is teaching me, I need to slow down and enjoy the important things.
I have been meeting with Dr. Isom once a week for the last two months. He wants to continue to monitor the healing of the incisions. The redness around the right breast was still there so he put me on another antibiotic. The next week though the redness had still not gone away but it was not getting worse and actually was getting a little smaller. Dr. Isom believed that because the tissue was so thin in that area, it is just red from the returning blood flow making the capillaries bigger and more visible. He said it is just going to take a while for that area to get the blood flow back in and heal. He decided to just let it do that. So we continued to monitor it and let the incisions heal on their own as slowly as that might be.
The incisions were not even close to healing on May 11th so chemo was postponed for the first time. I was not heartbroken because that weekend was Mother's Day and I really did not want to be sick and miss the fun activities at school. The next chemo start date was scheduled for June 1st right after Memorial Day. This was also the day before the last day of school. Once again however, I was still not healing. So it was postponed again, this time for another month. I was also okay with this because I was able to go on the fun end of year field trips with Colby and his kindergarten class. The next scheduled date was June 20th.
On May 25th, 7 weeks after surgery, the left side incision was completely healed but the right side incision was still not healing. It was getting better, all of the blue dye had worn off and the scab had gone from three inches to one inch. This one inch however was still quick deep and large. Dr. Isom was concerned that the scab was not allowing proper blood flow to heal the area and the area was still red. At this appointment he decided to remove the scab to see what was going on inside the wound and see if there was any infection preventing the healing. When he took the scab off, there was a big hole. I had to look away because it looked really bad to me. It was a dark greenish brown and draining. Dr. Isom thought the area looked really good, however. He said there was not any infection in there and the AlloDerm was doing well. This was good to hear because I thought it looked bad. Then he was debating on what to do next. He wanted to stitch it back up but thought that it still needed to drain a bit. I was thinking in my head, "Um yeah you are going to sew that hole back up!" So they moved me into the procedure room in his office and the nurse prepped me for a mini surgery of stitches. Thankfully I am totally numb in that area so I did not need and numbing stuff and I did not feel a thing. Dr. Isom cut away some of the skin around the incision so that there would be clean edges and then sutured me back up with about 7 stitches. Then he removed about 60 or more cc's of saline from the tissue expander. This would make it so that the skin was not so tight and healing could happen a little easier. He bandaged me up and we scheduled another appointment for two weeks where we would see if the stitches had healed. He also sent me home with another prescription for an antibiotic to prevent any infection from this new incision.
Two days later, I removed the bandages and looked at the new incision. It didn't look too bad but I noticed that the incision was not closed. The edges were but the middle was still open slightly. This was really concerning to me but since it was Sunday and Memorial Weekend, I knew Dr. Isom was not in the office and available to call. I followed his instructions and covered the area with gauze and went on to church. After church, I checked the area and the incision had drained a lot of clear fluid. It had drained so much that it had gone through the gauze as well as my garment top, bra and undershirt. I was really starting to get worried about this. This draining continued for the next day as well. Finally on Tuesday I called Dr. Isom's office to ask if this was normal. Dr. Isom was in surgery that day so I talked to the PA Dr. Fullmer. She said that yes the incision was supposed to be open slightly so that the area could continue to drain. I told her that it was draining quite a bit and she said that was good as long as it was clear. She said the more it drains the better. I said okay and felt a little better.
The area continued to drain for the next two weeks until my next appointment. The incision was still not healing because it was open but the good news was that the redness around the area was going away. At my next appointment Dr. Isom said that the area still looked really good and the redness was indeed going away. But he was starting to get concerned that I was still not healing. He removed the stitches and poked around the area to see if he could see any infection and to see if the AlloDerm was still okay. He said everything looked fine. Once again he debated on what to do. We were going on 9 weeks and still not healed. So I was taken back into the procedure room and prepped for another mini surgery of stitches. Before starting the stitches, he removed another 100 cc's of saline from the right tissue expander. This would give my skin more room to heal and not be so tight. Now my left side still had 300 cc's and my right side only has about 120 cc's so we are in lop-sided land right now. I told Dr. Isom he was taking the wind out of my sails and he just laughed and said he was sorry. I still could not feel anything so away Dr. Isom went stitching me up again. This time he was a little more aggressive in the stitching. He cut away the edges again to make clean edges and he also cut clean edges on the AlloDerm. Then he stitched up the AlloDerm with dissolving stitches and then stitched up the skin with about 10 stitches this time. He stitched the entire incision closed tight this time. The area should not drain at all this time. After I was all closed up he bandaged me back up and I was on my way with another antibiotic. (It seems like I have been on antibiotics for the last 2 months!) Dr. Isom said that if this incision got infected, we would have to go back in for surgery and remove the expander and start over after I finished with my chemotherapy treatment. That was a real blow to me and got my worrying and anxiety up again. I surely did not want to start over so I started praying for no infection and proper healing this time around. I even asked Russell to give me another priesthood blessing for comfort and healing. Our next appointment is for June 22 and hopefully I will be healed by then. So once again chemo was postponed.
These new stitches were put in about 10 days ago and the area looks really good. The redness is completely gone now and the stitches look fully healed. I go back and see the doctor on Thursday and hopefully he will say everything looks good and I am finally healed. Then we can set a new chemo start date and move on with this process.
This "Calm Before the Storm" has really given me a breather from the anxiety of cancer. I have been able to enjoy my kids in their different activities and be there to support them 100%. Now that summer is here and things have slowed down a bit, I feel like it is now time. I do have to remember though that I am on the Lord's time not mine. He knows what is best and what my body needs to be properly healed. I still need to trust in Him and trust that all will be okay. There are still times that I worry that by waiting so long the rogue cancer cells will start invading but I know that if I am not fully healed from surgery the chance of infection will be even higher and I will not heal at all with chemo poison in my system. So I continue to heal and trust in the Lord and the doctors. The hard part is having everyone keep asking me how I am doing and when will I start treatments. I tell them I feel great and I don't know when I will start. Sometimes I wonder if people think I made the whole cancer thing up because I don't show any signs of being sick. They most likely don't think that way and it is just my self conscious tendencies showing up. Right now Russell and I are planning some fun adventures to do with the kids before I start chemo and this calm time has been the perfect time to enjoy life.
To be continued...
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